Get Started

Burnout in Singapore: 5 Messages in Childhood according to Transactional Analysis

In transactional analysis, drivers are unconscious messages we had received from the adults in our lives and also society. Even in adulthood, they drive our behaviour. When we are in any one of these  behaviours, we feel that we can be OK. With high burnout rates, it’s important to know how these messages we’ve internalised affect us and contribute to burnout in Singapore.
We might have these thoughts in our minds: 
“As long as I try hard, I’ll be OK in life.” 
“Maybe I’ll be liked if I please others around me.”
“Mistakes are not OK. I need to be perfect.”
“It’s weird to ask for help. I can handle it myself. I must be strong.”
“Why am I so slow? I’d better hurry up.”

Hurry Up driver

Let’s start with Hurry up, something almost every parent says to children. Our teachers, parents, and grandparents would also say it, often with the distinct Singaporean tone of exasperation: “Hurry up lah!”
“Hurry up and eat. Hurry up and finish your homework. Why are you so slow?” 
In a fast-paced city like Singapore, we have a culture of not wasting time. I often notice that our escalators move faster than escalators in many cities! Time, for many of us, is a luxury. At the same time, we pride ourselves for being efficient. That’s why so many of us Singaporeans grow up with Hurry Up. It continues to drive us in our life and work in adulthood. As a result, we rush around and do everything quickly. 
Unsurprisingly, this happens at the expense of taking breaks. We plan our leisure time. We might find it hard to enjoy what we do. Moreover, we might also feel impatient towards ourselves and others. And we have little time for reflection. The time pressure leads to anxious thoughts and feelings. Slowing down feels unacceptable and we might think of ourselves as being lazy when we rest.
Naturally, the constant rushing can lead us to making frequent mistakes. Next, it adds to the uneasy sense of time crunch and compounds burnout in Singapore. The impact of this is poor work-life balance. And a feeling of dissatisfaction with life’s pace. 

Be Strong driver 

As Singaporeans, our traditional values emphasises self-reliance, resilience and stoicism. Could there be a link between this emphasis on self-reliance and burnout in Singapore? If you believe that you need to handle everything by yourself, you might have internalised the Be Strong driver. Since young, you might have believed that you must tough it out, no matter what. Like many Singaporeans, you might struggle in silence and bottle up your feelings – even though you are drowning in work commitments and personal challenges. 
Even though individuals feel overburdened with responsibilities, the societal stigma surrounding mental health stops people from asking for help and showing vulnerability. As a result, this compounds the emotional and mental stress. Men also face societal expectations. Men avoid showing vulnerability, therefore suppressing their emotional needs. Many women too were taught as children to suppress their feelings and needs.
Over time, feelings of resentment creep up as we feel exhausted and overwhelmed by responsibilities. The unresolved stress can manifest in physical and mental health challenges. Without the skills to cope and manage stress, the emotional dysregulation that comes with it can also impact relationships. 

Be Perfect driver 

In Singapore, we talk a lot about the kiasu culture. As a global hub, we feel afraid of losing to others. We want to maintain our competitive edge. This drives us collectively to achieve perfection. It trickles down to the individual level, where we become afraid of failure. 
As children, we have been exposed to a rigorous education system with a strong emphasis on grades and academic excellence. You’ve probably received the message that you needed to be perfect. Now, in the workplace, you overwork to meet unrealistic expectations. 
Burnout in Singapore is real. So many of us put in long hours to meet high expectations we’ve set for ourselves to be flawless. We might also be hyper-critical of our work performance. The inner critic can get so loud and we might compare ourselves with others.
Deep down inside, you might be feeling exhausted. Trying to meet high standards you’ve set for yourself is draining. Added to that, you might get anxious and fearful about making mistakes. This fear of mistakes can keep us playing it safe, stifling innovation and creativity. 
Due to this fear, you might micromanage the people you work with. Or you might find it difficult to delegate and trust your team member. When we take on more than we should in our efforts to be flawless, we undervalue rest and relaxation. Chronic stress and burnout follow when we overwork to meet unrealistic expectations. 

Please Others driver

Singapore is a collectivist society, where the needs and interests of the group are prioritised over individual needs and interests. We place importance on saving face and want to maintain harmony. As a result, Please Others is a common driver that begins from childhood. 
Did you feel like you needed to please the adults in your life? Whether as a child or an adult, we might feel compelled to meet expectations, whether in the family, society or workplace. It can feel especially difficult to say no, and we might overcommit ourselves and not have boundaries. As a result of neglecting self-care and personal needs, resentment and emotional exhaustion can grow. While burnout in Singapore has been talked about lately, a driver like Please Others that many people share needs to be discussed more.

Try Hard driver 

As Singaporeans, we’ve been told that we cannot rest on our laurels or we’ll lose our competitive edge. We’ve heard the message that we need to survive as a small nation. We’re often reminded that we have transformed into a first-world country, and we need to constantly strive to be first. So, we have a never-say-die attitude that keeps us trying no matter what to overcome challenges.
That said, as children, we were told that we needed to persist and be relentless in whatever we do. Maybe we’ll be okay if we try and try. Try hard and we’ll get good grades that let us get into schools to bring us a bright future. 
 As adults, we continue facing high costs of living and financial pressures. Therefore, we feel the need to hustle so that we can survive and maintain the living standards we aspire for.
What is the impact of this? Burnout in Singapore becomes a bigger issue.
Our energy is not infinite. Therefore, we might expend energy on tasks without considering whether they are sustainable in the medium and long term. Are these tasks even aligned with our personal goals and values? When you push beyond limits, efforts can often feel futile. Like the results don’t match the hard work you put in. You might end up feeling frustrated and demoralised. There begins the cycle of overwork, frustration, and neglect of your needs. 

What you can do about burnout in Singapore

Burnout often manifests in the body.  Knowing your drivers can bring insight into how you can mitigate their impact. While change on a larger, societal scale takes time to happen, you can develop personal strategies that counter these internalised messages. If you find it difficult to manage burnout, don’t struggle in silence. Therapy helps you increase self-awareness and address blocks that prevent you from taking steps for long-term well-being. Through learning stress management and increasing self-awareness, you can have improved emotional resilience and stress tolerance.